The 3 Types of Porsche Commentators

"hethoughtofcars" (hethoughtofcars)
12/26/2013 at 16:00 • Filed to: None

Yesterday (in the holiday spirit) I wrote an article called !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . These are pretty much the stereotypical things we all see daily on the site. I included this as my number 3 entry:

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

3) Every Porsche SUV to spontaneously combust, or, failing that, Porsche to actually use some of that boatload of cash to make a sub-Boxster/Cayman. Actually these two things are not mutually exclusive.

Within (literally!!!) 1 minute of making the post, I received this comment:

#3 reeks of douchebaggery.

Well Merry Christmas to you, too.

With the Porsche Macan about to make it's infamous debut, I thought I would use some comments from this very site to point out that there are exactly Three (3!) types of internet Porsche commenters:

1) Porsche is diluting the brand, selling out with SUVs.

Thomasaurus writes this, possibly sarcastically:

As a Porsche guy, I'd much rather have the cheapo Boxster that was rumored, than this mommy mobile. Too bad that one would have "hurt the image of the brand".

2) Porsche is only selling SUVs so they can make better sports cars.

Victorious Secret says this about the Porsche Macan:

So sue me, I like it.

If it means more sales for Porsche to have more money to screw around on other cars like 918s and 911 GT2 RSs, so be it.

I embrace the future.

Unlike some who wish Porsche still made air cooled, death-trap turbo 911s or whatever it is that old people complain about.

Which brings us to the third and final type of commenter...

3) Porsche lost it's way when it switched to water-cooled engines.

!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! sums it up nicely:

Classic Porsches always seem so tasteful to me. And so purposeful! They don't do anything but go fast and sometimes sideways.

There is a fourth, theoretical, and slightly nebulous variety:

Porscheeater claims:

You forgot the 4th type of "owner". The kind that doesn't actually own one but argues in an internet forum about what year the car actually is since "knowing more" than the registration information somehow makes them look cool. Then checks in every 5 seconds to make sure people are "liking" their comment and ranting at those who refute his opinion.

But that would mean that some of us comment on cars we don't actually drive, and I refuse to believe that.

DISCUSSION (11)

Goshen, formerly Darkcode > hethoughtofcars
12/26/2013 at 16:07

"Well Merry Christmas to you, too."

Thank you, sir! I hope you also had a pleasant holiday!

Party-vi > hethoughtofcars
12/26/2013 at 16:08

I see what you did there.

505Turbeaux > hethoughtofcars
12/26/2013 at 16:10

Numero #5, and you get it with alot of car brands...Everything Porsche does is brilliant, so there.

Usually doesn't own one either, but has 4 t shirts, a coffee mug, and some rad 930 desktop wallpaper

PatBateman > hethoughtofcars
12/26/2013 at 16:13

While I know that Porsche makes awesome cars, I have never wanted one. I see too many of them on the roads here.

They're just "meh" to me, and I kind of feel bad for looking at a $150k+ sports car and thinking that.

Manuél Ferrari > PatBateman
12/26/2013 at 16:20

not all porsches are expensive!!

have you got much seat time in them?

you can get a 997.1 C2S for under $50K. hell of a car

Bad Idea Hat > Manuél Ferrari
12/26/2013 at 16:55

I've even seen a 996 in the 20-30k range that has the IMS fix applied, at least according to the seller.

I can't find it now, though. Pisser.

TheKingOfBirds > Bad Idea Hat
12/26/2013 at 19:49

They're out there and this will be my ticket to get into one.

Manuél Ferrari > Bad Idea Hat
12/27/2013 at 02:25

That is a great deal if the IMS issue was fixed!!

Stef Schrader > hethoughtofcars
12/27/2013 at 05:21

Also:

5. HHHHRRRRNNNNGGGG TOW VEHICLEEEE. WANT TO TOW MY PORSCHE WITH A PORSCHE!

Bad Idea Hat > Manuél Ferrari
12/27/2013 at 08:38

Yes, definitely. For someone else, though, because I can't get two baby seats into the back of one.

BUT SOMEDAY

Manuél Ferrari > Bad Idea Hat
12/27/2013 at 14:02

I don't have any kids of my own but I have put a baby seat (with a baby in it) in my 997 before. Long story why... It worked out fine but never tried two baby seats!